I believe when you have played the game of baccarat so long, there comes a point in time where you are exhausted, both mentally and physically. You are just plain tired of it. Does not matter if you are ahead or in the rears, money wise. Same with over doing much of anything really.
It comes to the point where you just want to end the game, end the trips; end the excuses for the sudden wealth or the loss of what you should have had. Lots of people will say, hey if you cannot handle extra money you have no business playing in a casino or if you cannot set aside a certain amount of cash to risk, then you should also not be gambling. But it is far more complicated than those two easy statements that are shallow in detail.
Digging & Digging. Only the destiny you make for yourself, you will eventually find yourself living. Don't believe in fate, don't really believe in anything except winning money? You can't stop digging. And that is the largest and most devastating mistake player make. I don't care who you are or what you experienced within a casino. You will dig yourself in. Doesn't mean you will always experience a loss, you are misreading this if you think that is what I am implying.
It means, you pave your road and you predetermine your outcome by the length of time, the devotion you allocate to the casino and the game itself, as well as the funding you take and count on or the funding you allocate to profit from. Without experience, you have little to base your decisions on and with experience you will almost always ruin yourself and your profitability because your emotions and hope will over rule all common sense and knowledge you managed to obtain.
Keep dragging on and on and on. No end in sight. In fact, what is the end? Great question! Then you start thinking, where was the beginning? When did I actually begin? Then things do not fit into perspective any longer. That is the turning point for many.
From the tables to getting back to life. What is life? We as humans, at least a huge majority of us, do not enjoy what we have, because we have a longing for what we do not have. Simply, that is the sole reason why so many mess themselves, their family and their goals up. No other reason, stop looking for blame. That is it, so plain and so simple.
To me, happiness is simple rituals now. Before, they would have seemed exotic, different and only realized by a certain elite handful. Don't get me wrong, all perfectly natural, lived weekly like clockwork, but definitely north of that magical dividing line of the normal and the over the top.
Now, to walk in the same store, ask the lady for a large coffee and a vanilla iced doughnut. Have her slide them both onto the counter and look at me. I say, "Thanks" and she says, "My pleasure". That's a beautiful thing. Or, bringing my little 6 year old to the toy section of a department store to his favorite play place somewhere and just watching him, smile, run around and have fun.
But years ago, I would not have ever realized that because life was at the tables, in the casinos, in the high limit rooms. That was all so very natural. Anything but, was out of the norm. Just about opposite as compared to anyone else around myself. All of us there thought we were among an exclusive pack of players, removed from the masses by some special choosing from the lord himself, I don't know and that is the best I can explain what I was actually thinking at the time.
But I have these feelings and when I need one, I can still get it. Just now I do not have to be in the casino risking tens of thousands of dollars, knee deep in action to actually get it. How? I can get that coffee at the counter and if you watch closely, my hips and legs will twitch at times. If you were there next to me you would witness that. Then you would see me rubbing my stomach, in large circular motions. Why? Because if I was doing that, I got a feeling from something I was remembering at the tables and I was soothing all those butterflies in my stomach with my thoughts. Maybe it was the time Mr. Y at the old Bally's Grand Casino had table max up on Banker and the player handling the Players cards first was peeking and bending and turning them like crazy and finally slamming down a Natural 8. Then Mr. Y, slides me the Bankers cards and tells me to turn something better. I work them and work them and I am remembering his girlfriend with her little stuffed pet giraffe sticking out of her purse that was always on her lap and resting his little stuffed neck and head on the bac table rail. She would pet his head for the luck, LOL, but 100% true! I remember one time I had a 4 Line PIP card and a face card with that same exact scenario.
That exact remembrance, along with many other ones, gives me those butterflies in the stomach feeling. And yes, that particular time I did have a 9 instead of the 10 PIP card. I also remember milking it for all it was worth and slightly torturing my buddy Mr. Y. I also remember another time when this newbie was at the big table and we were all losing. Then all of a sudden we all turn to winning hands. We wound up following the classical newbie whom almost never fails the first time playing the game of baccarat for some strange unexplainable reason. We all won numerous hands and then everyone was following the new guy. This was at a big bac table, the kind where there were 3 dealers, 2 floor people and up to 14 players, also the players themselves handled the shoe and dealt the cards out. All I remember now is that everyone was heavy, if not table max on the Bankers side. The newbie passes the first and 3rd card to the dealer standing up and it was a Natural 9 for the Players side. The newbie player looks at the cards and then visually scans the entire table, back and forth several times. Long face. Every single player is on the Banker. He crumbles up a one of the cards and eats it. He saved the table. Much brew haha of course and the shoe got pulled in. He was banned by received a standing ovation as he was escorted out of the high limit room and to the cashier's cage to cash out and be trespassed.
But times like those, still give me those little butterflies within the pit of my stomach. To this very day. No one can take those away, no one!
Then, one day you will say, "I am putting the shovel away. I am finished, I realize it all now. I don't regret it; I just am done chasing those times." I had enough.