So, Waldo recovered and was back at work yesterday, the day before Asian New Year. Waldo was actually smiling and all his co-workers were wondering what's up with Waldo???
Last night at the casino Waldo broke out his 'Special Suit' and put it on. It was a bright red, no---actually a shocking and loud as heck red color with glittering gold and silver cuffs, collar and pants cuffs!!! I would have to say it is straight out of the 1970's, but Waldo claims it is just 'too hip' for today. Anyway, he put it on and slick his hair back with gel. Since it is the year of the Rooster coming in, Waldo went over to his top drawer of his bedroom dresser and rummaged through the items he had stashed, he knew there was something to fit the occasion. After a minute he proclaimed, 'I found it'! It was a huge pin of a bright white chicken he got years ago from a Kentucky Fried Chicken fast food place, the pin was about 3 inches by 2 inches, he pinned it on hi right jacket breast lapel, similar to how the government officials wear those little flap pins on their jackets. Waldo took a final look in the mirror and said, 'bring it on you funky Asian gamblers yelling monkey-monkey-monkey and blowing on those cards like they really think they can blow the pips off the cards and change their values, just bring it on--I am ready'.
Waldo went outside his house and got into his car. Looked once more in the mirror and squarly looked himself in the mirror and said, 'Buddy, don't give into those fake Asian gambling girls either tonight, make them beg and flirt harder for those valuable precious comps, even the rat infested buffet comps they all will be wanting tonight with the seafood and crab legs special for the holiday'. He thought for a second and then said, 'even those pretty ones with their low cut blouses exposing those wiggling mounds of jello and Kim-Chee, don't give in unless they really hand and drool a bit at the mouth'. He snapped his seat belt and headed in.
About half way to the casino he pulled off the highway and went over to see 'Piggy Boo'. He kind of wanted to express his thanks for all she had done for him during his hospital stay. And, he kind of missed her huge caboose to her massive 400 pound plus body! Right at that time the oldie song came on the radio, 'Shake your Booty' and Waldo started to sing along with it.
[Here it is if you want to listen to it while you read what Waldo the amazing floor person did next]:
Waldo was singing, 'Shake Shake Shake, Sake Sake Shake your booootttty' and sings that a few times and all the while he is thinking, he will ask Piggy Boo to shake it with him later tonight on the dance floor to the oldies group playing at the casino. He also had the vision---which happened last year, of all those Asian degen gamblers begging him for comps, comps for the buffet, comp for a hotel room, comp for the bar, comp for the gift shop. He thought to himself he would just say, 'No No No, No No No scat your boooottty on out of here' and started singing that to the song by KC & The Sunshine Band.
Waldo was ready! He pulled up into the driveway of Piggy Boo's little shack of a house on the Southside of town. He gets out of his car and on the way to the front door, he can't help but notice all the garage and debris in the yard. Mounds, Hershey's, Kit Kat's, Starburst wrappers all over the place. Empty cans of tuna fish, mac & cheese and tons of wrappers from feminine hygiene products all around. Waldo wasn't passing judgment and just maybe in her defense Waldo said to himself, 'so she isn't the greatest landscaper in the world. He stopped in the middle of the walkway to her door and thought, Piggy Boo is so grotesquely fat by most people's standards, but too me, just WOW! He remembers how she profusely sweats just sitting down during break time in the employees cafeteria. He suddenly remembered another pit person going out on a date with her once. The guy told Waldo about the meal they ate out. How Piggy Boo devoured her food like a starving hog. But Waldo thought and connected that with sex. How she must be a tigress and a princess all wrapped up into one in the sack!
So he goes on thinking, that his desire and lustful curiosity must be a new trend in his own ways. Although he rationalized out that he didn't want to create any drama in his seemingly zombie style of life, but heck--he wanted to experience what 400 pounds plus of pure jiggle and fat doughy flabs of obesity really feels like in a few minuets of heated passionate acts. Waldo was attracted to Piggy Boo like a moth to a flame. Waldo made it to the door and knocked on it. Piggy Boo opened the door and hugged Waldo. He was now in candy heaven. Piggy grabbed Waldo's hand and pulled him inside her house. She said, 'come on Waldo, join me I was just fixing some breakfast'.
Piggy Boo's breakfast was on the lighter side yesterday, 5 eggs, a half pound of bacon and a half pound or so of sausage, 6 slices of whole wheat toast, 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, a large bowel of instant grits, 3 candy bars, a bowl of chocolate ice cream and 2 grapefruits and 6 bananas. She asked Waldo if he was hungry and Waldo said, 'I will just grab one of your candy bars and a banana. Piggy Boo scream, well more like a screech, 'No, not the candy bar, I need those for my sugar intake, how about 2 of the bananas instead'? Waldo agreed and said fine.
She said, 'Does your wife know you are over here'? Waldo said no and there was no need to tell her. She just smiled. Waldo told her flat out, 'Peggy Sue, I am so attracted to you and how sexy you are, you put my little skinny skanky wife to shame with your radiating beauty and massive personality'. Piggy Boo just smiled and she was chewing on a banana, a candy bar and a huge fork full of eggs and sausage all at the time. A certain amount of dribble came out of the side of her mouth and rolled down her chin and onto the table. Waldo asked her, 'why don't you plan on staying late after work tonight and we can mingle a bit with the casino guests in the ballroom and the bar for the holiday shows'? Piggy Boo took another bite of food, this time is was a large spoonful of grits, another candy bar and 5 strips of bacon all at the same time. Waldo was secretly impressed with the girth of her mouth and her insatiable appetite. Oh lord Waldo thought, the last time he had these kind of desires he wound up with his first sexy wife. Waldo got up from the table, picked up her hand and told her, 'wear something sexy today, see you later Peggy Sue'. She smiled and continued to shovel fest amounts of breakfast into her mouth.
Piggy Boo went to her bedroom closet and laid out her clothes for the day. She shuffled into the shower, and attempted to clean herself. Her only problem really was her arms lacked the distance to get around herself to the rear and as well, she had problems to bend over to clean her lower extremities. She finished her shower and did her hair. Back in her bedroom she put on her 1970's psychedelic tie dyed full floor length dress. No one could certainly miss Piggy Boo strolling towards them, no one!
Waldo arrived at the casino property and walked into the pit from the short meeting he was in. All the while in the meeting his mind and thoughts was on the 400 pound plus fat-doughy flabs of candy and potato chips galore lady. Waldo took up his stance next to the podium counter adjacent to the baccarat tables. He glanced over towards the players currently seated at the baccarat table. There was an argument underway with a player standing up, a cigarette dangling from his Chinese face and the dealer. The dealer was soul brother Tyrone, a well known, funny and very experienced baccarat dealer. Tyrone's nickname was 'Kunta Kinte' from the fictional character in the movie Roots. Tyrone loves to say, 'I can take it boss' whenever there is an argument and the pit/floor people get involved. So Waldo, still leaning against the podium says, 'you okay Kunta, need me over there'? Tyrone says, 'you better come over here boss'. It appears one of the players lost on a '38 Special', when the 8 card is the stop card with the Banker's first two cards totaling a value of 3. The player was yelling and screaming at Tyrone. Waldo shuffles over to the table and hunches over, puts his hands on the automatic card shuffler beside the dealer and looks at the Asian player throwing an absolute fit. The player said something in his native tongue about the belly size of Waldo and kept a straight face when he said it. The only problem was, Waldo understand the language. Waldo was cool about it. Waldo turns slightly to the dealer and says, put the chips back in everyone's spot on both the Player and the Banker sides. Tyrone does so and knows this is going to be good, real good.
Waldo takes the last 5 cards out of the discard rack and carefully places them back into the shoe. Now, Waldo looks at the loud mouth and says, there the cards are back in the shoe, the exact order they came out of it, correct? The players said, yes. Waldo, while standing up looks at everyone playing and says, 'everyone okay with this'? They all nodded yes. Waldo point to his white chicken pin on his lapel and says, 'the rooster is watching, so this is gospel and cockel-doodle-doo'. The sight of Waldo in his bright shocking red suit with the gold and silver glitter accents, crazy! Waldo says, 'here goes and I am going to deal the cards'. 'First one for the Players and second one for the Banker, Third one for the Players and fourth one for the Bankers'. Waldo flips the Players side and they have a total of 4, he says 'do we all agree on this'? The players all say yes or nodded their heads. Then he flips the Bankers cards and announces the Bankers have a total of 3. Once again, he looks at all the players and asks if they all agree. They all nod their heads. Waldo looks at the trouble maker. 'Are you sure, 100% you agree'? He says 'yes, yes, get on with it'. Waldo stops pulling the cards and says, 'hey get something straight right here and right now, this is my table, my pit and my casino, not yours-get it straight pal or pick up your measly little amount of chips, cash them out and get to the parking lot and jump in your rickshaw and boogie on down the road hot shot'. Everyone looked at Waldo and didn't know what the heck to say, they could not figure out if he was joking or not. Waldo looked again at the trouble maker and said, 'Yo, Timmy Kimmie Boku, you ready or what'? Waldo then pulls the 8 card and announces, 'Player stands with the snowman for a total of 2 and the Banker wins with a total of 3, is that clear, yes or no'? Waldo sweeps his hand taking all the wagers away that were on the Players side and pays the sole wager that was placed on the Banker side. Waldo looked at the trouble maker and told him the snowman was a stop card, like it or not, the Players side lost and that was that' Waldo let go with another loud and obnoxious, 'Cockel Doodle Doo' and then announces, 'it is the year of the bad butt rooster, carry on Tyrone, I got it all straightened out for you'. Tyrone was snickering something awful through the whole replay of the cards.
Just about that time Piggy Boo comes walking down the isle and waves to Waldo leaning back up against the pit podium. Waldo smiled and motioned for her to come over into the pit. What a sight! Waldo in the shocking red suit with the gold and the silver glitter accents and Piggy Boo in her loud and screaming colorful psychedelic tie dye dress, all 400 plus pounds of her doughy fat, right there, side by side with Waldo. They exchanged a bit of small talk and made plans to meet in the ballroom for the Asian New Year show at 9:00 PM. Just about the time Piggy Boo was about to leave and get to her office, the baccarat trouble maker, Timmy Kimmie Boku stands up and says, 'Hey floor guy--gimmie a comp for the buffet and some drinks at the bar for me and my wife'. Waldo puts his hands on his hips and loudly says, 'that's the best you can ask for a comp, a comp that so many desire and so many don't deserve'? Mr. Boku humbles himself and says, 'Please Mr. Floor Person, can you write me a comp for the buffet and a few drinks'? Waldo said, 'keep playing while I think about it' for 15 minuets or so'.
Waldo stepped away for a bit and then retuned about 20 minuets later. He looked over at the stack of chips in front of Timmy Kimmie Boku and smiled, the stack dwindled down from a good $7,500.00 to about $3,000.00. Waldo said, 'Hey Boku you guys still want to go eat at the buffet'? Boku didn't answer, Waldo filled out a comp slip and tossed it over on the felt right in front of him and his girl. Waldo walked away.
Later on Waldo met Piggy Boo outside the ballroom and they went in together. What a sight, the colors and the poundage! When they got inside it was just starting, the tribute to the Chinese New Year and the celebration of the rooster. Waldo made it a point to show his white chicken pin from KFC to Piggy Boo. She was impressed and then mentioned she was hungry and could devour an entire 20 piece bucket of chicken right about then. Waldo loved the sexy chatter from her, she had a way to make a request for food sound erotic to Waldo. Then al the monitors on the walls around the ballroom came alive and played the following:
Word was getting around the casino about Waldo and Piggy Boo as they got busy on the dance floor. There was mostly Asians there and Waldo says to Piggy Boo, 'Come on, let's shake it up there on the dance floor and show this bunch of rice eating degenerate gamblers, how it is actually done'! She smiled at Waldo and said, 'let's do it baby'. So the following song came on and both Waldo and his fat doughy date of 400 pounds plus got busy on the dance floor.
Waldo motioned for the guy up in the DJ room to start the music and immediately he put on the following:
Waldo and Piggy Boo bounced out in the middle of everyone and got right into the Asian themed song, the crowd went absolutely wild and almost out of control. Waldo stripped off his jackets and his shirt as well and went ballistic with his 'PSY Dance'. It was one sight for the books! The two danced a few more songs and then feasted on Cambodian fried snakes and raw chicken eggs. After a couple of hours Waldo got back to work and hosted the casino's Rooster Challenge out on the floor:
Waldo made his way back to the baccarat pit and as soon as he got there, Timmy Kimmie Boku says to him, 'hey big guy, give me a comp for a room, I lost $7,500.00, okay'. Waldo asked Boku for his player's card and he handed it right to him. Waldo started bending it in half and after about 6 times he snaps it in two. Waldo handed it back to Boku and said, 'there, and the answer is no, Happy New Year bud'.