Bloke goes into a doctors surgery with a small weener

bloke: doctor can please look at my weener, I want it made bigger
doctor: let's have a look then
bloke drops his pants
doctor: mmmm, I have a sister who works at a zoo, sometimes baby elephants are still born, we could try something totally new by using the end of the trunk
bloke: sounds good to me
doctor: I'll call you when we have one

3 weeks pass by and the doctor rings the bloke to arrange surgery

after 8 weeks of recovery the bloke goes to a party looking for a hot chick to test his new member on, spots a lovely woman and meanders over to chit chat.

bloke: nice party
chick: yes
bloke: you friends with the host?
chick: yes, sort of

After about 5 minutes of chit chat, the blokes trousers unzip themselves and the new member pops out, grabs an apple from the buffet and goes back into his pants, the chick looks at him and says

wow, that was cool, can you do it again?

bloke: probably, but I don't think my ar$e can take another apple

If you ever use Viagra, swallow quick and drink plenty of water, otherwise you can get a stiff neck!